Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
