i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
