so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hippo gnu deer
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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