I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
