It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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