I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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