Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
