oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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