marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
