bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
