finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
