a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sext me about skeletons
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
