woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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