i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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