Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
