Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
