I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize