There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
