it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize