I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
