pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
