All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
