Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
