when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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