I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
