Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
