Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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