I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think my moral compass just broke
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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