I'm eating all of the evidence.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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