Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
