Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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