i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
