By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you made out with another girl for some wings
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
