I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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