Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
