I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
