"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
