Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
