smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
