The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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