I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
