Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
