Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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