Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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