you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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