so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
