i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
