listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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