I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize