WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
