You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
