Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
