$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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