his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
