In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
