Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
