Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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