The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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