don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
