I wish I could punch you in the face.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
