Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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