people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
