Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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