I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
