oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
