i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
