dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
