the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
