don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
