But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
