i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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