Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
