My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
