There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize