I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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