His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
