So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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