i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
