just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
