shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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